Funny quotes

brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

There are three sides of an arguement -- your side, my side and the right side.

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

dogs have owners, cats have staff

Borrow money from a pessimist- they don't expect it back

"I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."- Rodney Dangerfield

"Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed."- Albert Einstein

"Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway." - Joey Adams

"No,please don't eat me. I have a wife and kids,eat them." - Homer Simpson

"Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers." - Homer Simpson

"Beware of the young doctor and the old barber."- Benjamin Franklin.

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans"- John Lennon.

" When i was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me"- Emo Phillips

" You can only be young once, but you can always be immature" - Dave Barry

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar"- Drew Carrey

" Life begins at 40- but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times"- Helen Rowland

" An Archeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her"- Agatha Christie


Ha Ha Ha.....